The squad was in good spirits for this early season six pointer with the very accommodating Henley YMCA.

With just Steven (I vote for myself no matter how poor I play) Fullbrook missing due to growing pains, the joint management team were left with an easy selection process after last weeks impressive performance against league leaders The Sun.  Dave Rodgers slipped into the centre back position whilst there was a welcome return for “Charlie“ between the goal posts.

The w*nker of the year award has an early contender, with Welsh Steve ignoring Harvey’s plea to not forget to put your clock back.  Joint player boss Oz received a phone call at 9.10am from the rather anxious Welsh Steve “where are you?“  “On my way”  Oz replied, “what time is kick off ??” came Welsh’s concerned tone, “10.30.”  “It’s 10 past now???”  “I know but its only 10 past 9” laughed Oz…..and promptly proceeded to tell all the players he could reach!  Welsh had the last laugh though as he decided on taking advantage of his extra hour and do a tour of Henley for the benefit of his Australian girlfriend!  He managed to turn up at 10.10 causing the team a frantic scramble to the correct ground and making The ‘Bank late for the cup of tea that Henley had so kindly prepared.  

A rather polite Henley player commented on the fact we had a new kit and how very smart we all looked.  The Yorkie advert sprang to mind as Dave Guppy enquired politely “does my bum look big in this???“

With the team finally looking respectable and just making the kick of time Southbank stepped on to the turf full of expectation.

Southbank are renowned slow starters though and in 10 seconds they should have been a goal down.  Welsh Steve and Mickey Tappern conspired to gift the Henley front two with an early opportunity but Charlie managed to block the first effort only to see it spin out to the second on rushing sticker who was left with an empty net to score in.  Thankfully he decided to continue Henley’s generosity by some how pushing the ball wide!  This unfortunately set the tone for the rest of the half with neither side being able to keep the ball for more than 5 passes.  It wasn’t long before Southbank’s sloppy play gifted Henley the first goal, leaving Charlie with no chance in between the posts. 

Despite the disappointment of conceding the goal seemed to kick start Southbank, and although the football was not pretty, the determination and commitment could never be doubted.  Welsh Steve was setting his usual standard and never stopped running and hassling in the midfield.  Oz was getting more involved on the left and Ben Neo and Karl were causing problems down the right.  Malcolm and Harvey were scrapping away upfront and the screw was slowly being turned in Southbank’s favour.  The equaliser finally resulted from a corner.  Oz knocked in a devilish ball which appeared to strike a Southbank hand although the referee didn’t see it and gave a second corner.  The Henley goalkeeper wouldn’t let it go and the Referee decided to give an indirect free kick six yards out.  Oz tapped it sideways for the on rushing Everest who’s miscued pile driver  trickled under the on rushing defenders and nestled in the bottom corner. 

Both teams continued to huff and puff but it was now Southbank who looked more likely to go ahead and Malcolm again went clean through only to see the keeper make an excellent save. So as the half time whistle sounded the match was finely poised at 1-1.

The team talk focused on the battling aspect and trying to relax on the ball to allow The ‘Bank to play their usual flowing football.  Oz’s troops responed in the second half and started very strongly with Dave Rodgers, Mickey Tappern and Russell looking solid in defence allowing Ben Neo to go scampering up the right wing to give ample support to Karl.  Welsh Steve and Skipper Andy P were causing all sorts of problems to the Henley midfield with their non stop running and battling.  The breakthrough came when quick thinking Oz threaded a through the ball into Everest’s feet.  He swiveled on a six pence and calmly curled the ball into the far bottom corner.  The cheers from the following fans were heard as far as Melbourne (well Steve’s bird was the only supporter we had there).

Despite holding the lead the game was never comfortable for Southbank but they looked the more composed team and even came close to making it 3 - 1 when a corner from Oz came off the bar.  Harvey also saw another free kick smash back of the woodwork when the Henley keeper picked up a back pass.  Again Oz was orchestrating proceedings and his tap to Harvey should have been the end of matters.  With 15 mins to go Henley scored an unlikely equaliser as their striker was put through one on one with the impressive Charlie.  He coolly converted to set up a nervous finish.  Skipper Andy P then had to limp of after a terrible tackle that saw the opposing player pick up a yellow card and was replaced by the patient David Guppy.  Guppy was introduced on the right with Karl slipping into the centre of the park and Guppy looked comfortable on the ball and was causing the Henley defence many problems.

Southbank then had a number of chances from free kicks but were unable to convert until hatrick hero Everest converted his second free kick of the game, this time from 20 yards out!  How it got through the Henley defence is still a mystery, a tortoise could have moved quicker than the ball!

Darren was then introduced on the left for Oz and the Southbank defence was looking comfortable to see out the first win of the campaign.  The only real scare came from a 25 yard free kick which produced a top draw save from Charlie who some how managed to tip it over the bar.

Overall a well deserved three points saw the Bank move of the foot of the table.  After the match Oz was approached by the Henley management who again said they couldn’t believe Southbank hadn’t won all season.  On relaying this information to the team Russell piped up with “That’s like saying you’re a nice bloke why haven’t you got a girlfriend”?????

Sky Sports tried in vain to contact Mr Purser for his comments on the match but he was unavailable for comment - or was that just unavailable.  In his place Player/Joint-Manager Oz said he “was delighted with the win, if not the performance” and singled out special praise for Welsh Steve and the Goal machine Malcolm Viduka Evertest!

Team: Cook, Neo, Simove, Rodgers, Tappern, Lobato, Persaud (Guppy), Bigham, Osbourne (Rackley), Everest, Harvey